February 4, 2020

     These three word describe the antithesis of recovery.  It implies falling from somewhere and yet many of us alcoholics are born into lives of decline and deterioration beyond our control.  I had an abusive, alcoholic father who manipulated me, my mother and my bro...

January 24, 2020

     The thought often crosses my mind that I could have accomplished so much more if I had gotten sober and into recovery much sooner.  This line of thinking is fairly useless and only leads me to self-pity and shame which leads to drinking and the cycle starts again....

July 7, 2019

     Today marks my 4 year anniversary of getting sober.  It is a hugely important date to me.  It is no overstatement to say that absolutely nothing I have created or have today would it exist were it not for my decision to quit drinking.  If I try to pinpoint the rea...

May 23, 2019

     I am reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.  In parts of the beginning she is seemingly rebuking some of the ideas of AA and the basic definition of an alcoholic.  I am an alcoholic.  I am in AA.  I am immediately defensive.  Where have I felt this...

April 9, 2019

It was suggested to me to write a break-up letter to alcohol and lay out my feelings, thoughts and memories on my relationship with alcohol.  As putting pen to paper makes things a lot more real in deeply personal work like this I sat on it for a long time.  The next s...

March 13, 2019

     I tend bar at a restaurant a few nights a week.  The bar had not been cleaned in quite some time.  Today at work we had to do a deep clean.  In the right light cleaning can bring with it almost immediate gratification, noticeable change for the better.  It's a ste...

December 31, 2018

     I was driving home with my girlfriend the other day and she was surprised by a turn I made, "Where are you going?"

     "I have a shortcut."  I made a few twists and turns down some seemingly unfamiliar streets and came out on the other end of the main ro...

October 16, 2018

     The idea of abstaining from alcohol for a month sounds like a good one unless of course you are an alcoholic.

     There are groups that utilize this to raise awareness and money for hideous diseases which is wholly commendable.  It is often used as a...

September 1, 2018

     "Do you believe in demons?", he asked from the passenger seat. It's a helluva question to pose to the guy giving you a ride to the airport but I knew the answer without hesitation.

     To me addiction is a demon. It starts as a little larvae burrowi...

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