On The Hunt

I am reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. In parts of the beginning she is seemingly rebuking some of the ideas of AA and the basic definition of an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic. I am in AA. I am immediately defensive. Where have I felt this before? In my drinking and in the beginning of my recovery in AA. "My way of thinking is fine and right!"

It is scary to think that things I have made a bedrock of my recovery and my life are wrong or different or not as strong as I once thought. So the defensiveness and the need to protect those thoughts comes out. Here I am, the same cornered cat I was in early recovery, hackles up because of a difference of opinion. But hasn't AA taught me to let go of old ideas and if God's will has put this book in my hands then who am I to question that? Do I feel like tossing away this label of "alcoholic" I have given myself because Annie Grace says I'm not one? No. I'm an alcoholic. Would she say that my thinking is flawed because I've read the Big Book and go to meetings with four years of sobriety coming up? Probably not.

I truly believe there are many paths to recovery and long term sobriety. I have seen it with my own eyes. My girlfriend said I am a Sobriety Investigative Journalist of sorts. I like that. I am curious how others view addiction and my self-diagnosed illness of alcoholism in general. I am not looking for loop holes or contradictions. Life is full of them and I have found they do me no good. I am on the look out for tools, tricks, tips, advice, opinions, views, values and ideas. New ideas about alcoholism that I can use to help keep me fit and better understand my human nature, my pleasure seeking nature. I am always on the hunt to find new strength to help me on my path in life to be the best flawed human being I can be. I want to realize my potential, achieve my kinetic and not let alcohol get in the way of the things I have to do today and get the things I want from life.

---John Staley